On the 18th of November ma boy Keal and I left Seoul, Korea, where we’d been living the good life for almost 3 years as English teachers. Around the time of the Summer mud festival 2014 (the birthplace of countless unforgettable stories), we had the idea to cycle from Hong Kong to India. This year we’d also been busying ourselves with acting and making short films, so we decided to combine the two and make films together over the course of our journey.

We got here just over two weeks ago. I don’t want to bore anyone with the logistics of flights, taxis and buses, but needless to say, shit got pretty real, pretty fast. Against the advice of my wonderful friend Nat, we booked ourselves a scenic room at Chungking Mansions, a collection of individual micro-hotels housed in a huge building, which is presumably designed to mimic the lawless, dystopic metropolis ‘Mega-City One’ from the latest Judge Dredd film that wasn’t very good. As we walked in with our brand new boxed bikes, shiny bags and fresh faces, greeted in various ways by the drug dealers and prostitutes who worked and lived there we were wondering what we’d let ourselves in for. But actually after living there a few days, people turned out to be pretty flipping cool, and I actually miss it’s decrepit charm and quality Indian food. Although Keal did get food poisoning, bed bugs and found a big fuck-off cockroach chilling on his pillow every time he came back to the room so speaking as a team, we were happy to leave.

After winning big in Macau (by which I mean like $100. Between us) we caught a ferry to Jiang Men which is where we started our biking.  Check out the map if you’ve a keen mind for details and want to see exactly where we’ve been (Keal’s been working hard putting it together) but we’ve basically been pushing hard to get to Hanoi by the 21st December in time to meet Esther, Keal’s girlfriend. Actually we met Esther the same time at Seoul speed dating a couple years ago and both put her on our selection cards, but that’s a different story.

Since we havnt actually done much biking before, we started off on 40km a day and worked it up to 80km. We’ve had a couple rest days, one of which I went to the Lingxiao cave in Yangcun, which is 128m high and looks a ton like the dwarf mines in Lord of the Rings. I also got my first massage in a seedy room from a Chinese lady who made cooing noises as she massaged my chest and occasionally tweaked my left nipple. Only the left one though. I’m pretty sure the only thing that stopped her offering me the traditional ‘extras’ {nudge nudge} was the fact that I was still wearing my padded cycling shorts which she probably took to be normal shorts with an adult diaper underneath, so I’m not taking it personally.

I’m sure other jokes stuff has happened but it’s late now and we’ve got a big day ahead of us tomorrow. I’ll keep on posting the funny bits from my trip when I’m not busy cycling or getting mixed signals from Chinese masseuses.




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